Ben goldarb's Page

Jacob Silver was appointed the first Israeli ambassador to the Caribbean Island of Macocuo. Silver, a retired professor of linguistics, was excited about the position because he would be able to learn the exotic Macocuo whistle language. A native of Macocuo was sent to Tel Aviv to tutor Silver. Unfortunately, the tutor’s motives were less than honorable. In case you were worried about a sudden shortage of anti-Semites, the tutor proved that the enemies of the Jewish people are alive and well, a… Continue

Jane overheard the doctor speaking to her parents in the emergency room as she was regaining consciousness. She was alive and unscathed by any serious physical injuries. However, her MRI revealed an injury that would lead to interesting consequences for her. Jane was the victim of a collision between a parked car that somehow smashed into the motorcycle she was riding at 120 mph. Her doctor labeled her survival as nothing less than a medical miracle. “What do you mean by interesting consequenc… Continue

There are 304 million Americans, and each one of them has been to Starbucks® 3 times in the last 40 minutes. On the other end of the popularity spectrum, less than 50% of eligible Americans® have registered to vote in the upcoming presidential elections. To make matters worse, 20% of those who did register are planning on not voting TWICE this November. As concerned American citizens who love democracy, free elections, and flavored coffee, we need to leverage the popularity of Starbucks® to tur… Continue

My name is Gil. I’m 35, newly engaged, and gainfully employed in my own time-sharing business. After several months of hearing my fiancée Angelica’s lectures about her biological clock ticking, I developed an issue with my biological clock. Due to my DNA malfunctioning, I’m starting to get younger. It all started when I noticed my receding hairline was beginning to fill in. In addition, my prematurely graying hair returned to its original color. I went to my family physician and told him my con… Continue

If your dating hasn’t led you to your life partner yet, then you might want to try a different approach. The following guidelines will help you find your soul mate. 1. Showing up Show up on time, but come as you are. Forget about showering and finding the perfect outfit. Go ahead and arrive after working out at the gym, running, or meeting with your parole officer. When married, we usually don’t have the time to create our ideal state before getting together, so get used to it now. 2. Locatio… Continue