Its been awhile since I've posted or visited the site. I keep telling myself I'm too busy. But I question my motives. I suppose it comes down to shame. I had set such wonderful goals and did so much research and started off so well then one day something came up and the routine got disrupted, then another thing and another thing and before u know it, I back to my old habits. And whats worse, I've been putting on weight even faster bec everyday I tell myself this is my absolute LAST day for this. Tomorrow I'm starting afresh! So, I splurge and have any and everything I could lay my hands on that is around 1000 calories and over just to make sure I had my fill of it before the healthy eating starts.
But the healthy eating never starts!
I have had another revelation: I hate my job. It s plenty, its hectic, but its not challenging. It was fulfilling the first year or so but now that I've crossed the one year mark, I'm restless for a new experience. But it'll take some time to get that. At least till the end of the year before I can sort out my next move and make the nec applications and change jobs. In the meantime, every time I frustrated to tears I've dragged along a friend to keep me company while I indulge myself in a 'mudslide' (ice cream cocktail) and cheesecake.
I just dont feel motivated to get out there and change the other aspects of my life that I have control over! And I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself but not even that could get me to move! I dont understand it! I am usually very organized and rational: this is the problem, these are the possible solutions. I KNOW that there are changes that can be made in my life that could happen today that could possibly make me much happier regardless of my work situation. I KNOW that my job isnt everything and that for one to be truly healthy life requires more than a one-dimensional existence. But I cant seem to get going! And the more I eat, the more I'm disgusted with myself bec the tighter my clothes fit and the worse I feel and it just continues!
So, I'm asking for help. There must be one person in this community who can identify with this self sabotage that I'm battling with and help me. Please.