The psychiatrist told me that I was one of the worst cases he had seen. I got out of the hospital and started outpatient treatment. I was in a group and for the 1st and only time in my life my shell began to crack. But, my insurance said I had reached my limit and so treatment last only a few more weeks.
My point is that I have lived for my children. I am not alive because of my will to live - but for my children. I have spent my life living for them. Now alone I am trying to figure out how to live for me. How to want to live for me.
I no longer consider suicide. I would never do that.--------- In reality that is what I am doing - by letting my health go I am killing myself. I am just doing it in a more acceptable and subtle way.