Too Much Time

On your hands can leads to one's own self destruction.
I hurt my back while picking up a sock. Hard to believe that something so simple can put you on your butt for a few days. Anyway as I was trying to recoup, I did a lot of thinking.

My weight loss journey is still going ok, that is a plus. My problem is my other goal in life is looking out of reach. I have always wanted to be a nurse. I have even attempted it a couple of times, but with moving around due to my hubby's job and just life getting in the way, I never got to complete it back then.

Having a few days to think about where I am at and where I want to go led me to once again try and get into nursing. I have been let down numerous times today that I feel like I am hitting a brick wall. You can no longer just apply to go into nursing at Tafe. You have to apply through QTAC, who take your applications, which is $100, then look it over and decide if you are good enough to go into your chosen course.

I did not complete year 12 and therefore already limited to many things. The pre requisite to Uni and the Tafe is year 12 English, which I don't have. Now I could go and get it but that would take me a year. I am turning 40 in a few months and know from being a Nurses Aid many years ago, the older you get the less likely you are to be employed in nursing, especially one who has just come out of Nursing school.

I have sat here and kicked my butt over not completing this when I had the chance. I really wanted to do this but I can see this is going to be so difficult. There are so many rules and the competition to get in is amazing. Yet they are screaming for Nurses here.

My other dilemma is this. If I get into Tafe, I will do an 18 month course which will qualify me to become an Enrolled Nurse. Then if I want to become a Registered Nurse, which is what I want to do, I will have another 3 years at Uni. I was told today that my best option was to try and get into Tafe to get the certificate needed so I could get into Uni. Not having my year 12 goes against me so having this other course would guarantee me Uni entry. Sounded reasonable. Thing is it would make me 44 by the time I have completed all these courses, not to mention the expense I am up for. Now being 44 and just out of school, is going to be hard. I will be up against a lot of younger more vibrant people who have a lot of years ahead of them to gain important experience.

I was told by a friend who is a Nurse that I will most likely not be able to get much work or placements due to my age and the fact that I will only have a few good working years ahead of me. ( Not really my opinion but it seems the average of nurses today ) So this left me thinking that my life long goal is now unreachable. That I have left it too late and it makes me feel horrible inside. It was the first time today that I realised how much society has changed and how if you do not make your goals and life choices early, it can be too late later. After I spoke to one of the teachers at the Tafe, she agreed that it would be so much harder for me to even get in let alone get placements afterward. Not something I wanted to hear but she was honest.

I am having a pity party! I hate them but I am having trouble breaking out of this low I am in. I was so positive about this all yesterday and now today I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and I am not sure what to do or where to go now. In a way I am even heartbroken. It was something I was so passionate about.

I guess time to rethink my future over and see what else I can do.